My handsome, eleven year old son Skyler doesn't use words to communicate yet - we can thank autism for robbing him of that early milestone. However, this amazing boy had learned to gain our attention and attempt to communicate his needs by knocking on walls with his little knuckles or swatting at us as we pass by. Now, banging and hitting I knew would get him in a heap of trouble outside of the home, so working with his school on alternate means of safe communication was crucial to his survival ... and every person and wall around him!
The school Skyler has attended for the last 3 years has done an excellent job of reducing his hitting from a daily average of over 200 to NONE by using a pecs book of pictures which allow him to make a choice of what to do, where to go or whether to eat! Hearing the amazing progress at school prompted me to make a picture book for the home and I utilize it daily as "homework" after school and on weekends when Skyler is in my care.
When asking Skyler a specific question and preparing the book with pictures so he may answer (i.e. "Do you want to eat dinner or take a bath?"), his little face lights up and he quickly grabs a picture to make a choice. It's amazing to watch his mind process his choice because he follows through with exactly what he requested. For example, if he chooses the "take a bath" photo, then I ask him "where do we take a bath?" He grabs my hand and walks me to the bathroom door - giggling and squealing the whole time because he asked for what he wants and I understand and grant that request! I know he's smart and comprehends most of what I say to him. To observe him following simple statements such as "let's put your shoes on," as he sits down on the couch and lifts up his foot, tells me he just wants to be treated like an 11 year old boy. I laugh and sometimes think we are being punked and maybe he's just been exercising his 5th Amendment right "to remain silent" for 11 years??
I try to imagine what life would be like if I were unable to speak and know what I want but can't get anyone to find a way for me to tell them. Frustration and anger doesn't even begin to describe it. So, as a loving, protective & supportive caregiver of a child I brought into this world, I will do whatever it takes to help my son find his voice through whatever means necessary. I only wish his father felt the same way.
Sadly, the response from Skyler's dad has been extremely negative. He has openly said for the last 4-5 years that he doesn't think Skyler will ever speak and believes he has reached the highest level of functioning that is possible. He refuses to utilize pictures at his home but then complains that Skyler is extremely aggressive with hitting them and banging on walls. Hello... the child is frustrated with the living conditions and lack of care he receives in that home!! Every doctor appointment throughout the last year, Skyler's dad brings up the idea of institutionalizing our son because he fears puberty will turn Skyler into a raging monster that can't be controlled. Really bro? Isn't that what joining CrossFit was for? Also, last August, Skyler's dad suggested that we consider castrating Skyler so we can control puberty and limit the "aggression" that is likely to accompany the maturity. Sick and twisted - yes, very much so!
With those ungodly suggestions of maiming or locking away our son and the latest attempt to put his foot down by insisting that Skyler not return to school in the fall (a school who loves him and has helped tremendously with his growth & communication), I've met my limit and believe Skyler's best interest is to reside with me full time. I've started the process of seeking full custody and have the support of many. It's going to be a very rough and potentially lengthy journey, but I know God will carry both Skyler and me through it.
